Unsolved Mysteries

I’m no Robert Stack, but frankly these unexplained events require some examination:

1. Which alien being has taken over Scott Elarton’s body?

I guess an interesting follow-up would be “Why?” Against a lineup that on paper would shell him, Elarton calmly threw high fastballs and curveballs to Troy Glaus and Luis Gonzalez and got away with it. Heck, he even struck out three Snakes to boot. I cannot speak to the motives of the alien(s) now inhabiting Elarton’s body, but I do wish them to remain there until the season is over with. And maybe the Indians need to send a scout to their home planet, because they seem to have a natural understanding of pitching.

2. Which deity has Bob Wickman sold his soul to in order to save games?

Now, I like Bob. Before the season I speculated that his “presence” would allow the other guys in the bullpen to do what they do best and leave the heaving lifting to Bob. But never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that he would be almost perfect in save opportunities despite having really bad peripherals. I believe the reason why Bob does not hold runners on is because he already knows the outcome of the game. Or perhaps he’s also been taken over by the same creatures who are now inhabiting Elarton’s body.

3. Why is Jhonny Peralta batting ninth in the order?

After 2.5 months, a couple spots in the order are pretty much spoken for. Grady Sizemore is the leadoff hitter. Coco Crisp is the second hitter. Travis Hafner hits cleanup. And, of course, Jhonny Peralta hits ninth. Now, if this were the 1995 Indians we were talking about, I could somehow understand this. But when you have Casey Blake and Josh Bard hitting in front of Jhonny, I see a big problem with the banishment. Perhaps I’m underestimating the vitriol some Omar Vizquel supporters have for Peralta; after all, he was the main reason why Omar! is plying his trade in another city now. Peralta leads the team in slugging percentage, has eight home runs, and has somehow amassed 23 RBI despite hitting behind Aaron Boone and Casey Blake most of the season. Would moving him up to the 6th or 7th spot kill his confidence?

4. Why did Eric Wedge shave his mustache?

Ah…sorry. Someone else has gotten to the bottom of that case.

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